My Impatience

We're almost a month into the 'Church without walls' thing now. The hall has no roof on it, we're kind of in the swing of not hanging out there now, and the sunday services seem to have established themselves a bit more as well. I, however, am not satisfied.

On Saturday evening, I sat in a net cafe. While I was waiting for some stuff to download, I glanced at the woman next to me (Ok, I confess, it was more than a glance. I read her Skype conversation). She was from Bulgaria, and had only been in England a month. She was telling a guy (who she had obviously just met over Skype), how lonely she was, how she didn't know anyone in England, how she missed home and her family etc. The guy wasn't being very helpful. He was just replying saying how much he liked her picture, and asking what she 'liked to do'. (I internally questionned his motives, and got mad about the way he could potentially take advantage of her vulnerability). I didn't invite her for coffee though. I didn't ask if she was ok. I didn't offer friendship. Walking home that night I had that horrible feeling when you know you could have done something to change someones situation but didn't.

It happened again yesterday. There was a girl crying on the Bakerloo line, but I was too caught up thinking about the meeting I was going to and wondering if I was going to be late. I got off the tube and had the same uncomfortable feeling.

Our little cell group on a sunday night is going well, it's good to be accountable to people, and I've felt stretched by it. But it's not enough. It doesn't seem fair that I am in a nice cosy cell and it's all good, while other people so close to me in location literally know no-one in this city. While even people I know cry themselves to sleep because everything feels so hopeless.

I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do. Last night I sat in Starbucks (drinking tap water because I felt like a hypocrite buying expensive coffee), reading 'The Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Claiborne. I'm beginning to think I should just leave it on the shelf, because every time I read it, I feel all uncomfortable and convicted and like I can't just carry on with my nice comfy life, and profess to be a Christian and a Salvationist at the same time.

He talks about John Wesley, who said that if they didn't kick him out of a town after he spoke then he wondered if he really had preached the gospel. It reminded me of the lovely Bob, one of our salvation army officer friends who says that he wants to live so that the devil has a party in hell when he dies, thankful that he is finally out of the way. It reminds me of the beginnings of the SA, where they used to throw bricks and rocks at the salvationists, who would go into the worst places, reach out to the lowest people, and who, it seemed, believed that nothing really was impossible to God. (Rats, Its always fatal for me when I start thinking about early day salvos.) But I am challenged.

No-one has thrown a rock at me lately.

I find it easy to believe that God will help me find my keys, but so often fail to even ask him to heal my friends.

I get all fired up, singing old songs about 'storming the forts of darkness', but more often I travel home a different way just to avoid them.

I don't know what to do...

   

Comments

[Lilian]

For me, reading your blog is a bit like reading "The Irresistible Revolution" is for you! (This is supposed to be encouraging, so I hope you don't take it the wrong way!) I find it, the way you think and write about things, inspiring - your writing makes me want to love God and other people like you so obviously do.

You're never going to be perfect -no-one is - but God is using you and will continue to use you to do his work and to be an encouragement to others. His grace is sufficient for you, for His power is made perfect in weakness (to paraphrase 2 Cor 12:9).

[James Prescott]

What you say is so right. Its such a challenge to really be a Christian and we face those each day. What we need to do is ask God to help us recognise these opportunities when they come and have the courage to act, and forget our pride.

We all suffer from fear and pride sometimes and its important to remember we're not perfect, but we're all a 'work in progress'. We're slowly being moulded into God's image. We just need to learn are lessons and act the next time we get a chance to serve.

Great post, really challenging.

God bless, James.

[Another World is Possible]

Hey if you're a fan of Shane Claiborne and his book, then you should really check out the Another World is Possible DVD series. It's a multimedia project by Shane Claiborne and Jamie Moffett (co-founders of the Simple Way) that emerged in response to their belief that things are not right in the world, and that they don't have to stay that way. There are three DVD's, one on war, one on poverty, and one on creation. You can find out more about them at www.awip.us.