Landmarks & Detours

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of days how some of the journeys we take can feel like the biggest detours.

I also heard someone speak about co-ordinates, that when something changes (i.e. you move location, change job or something), it takes a while to get your co-ordinates back, you have to 'find God' in the new circumstances.

It seems I've been living both of these journeying metaphors over the last few weeks. When I look back to the excitement and idealism I felt in November, as we prepared to move into our house, It feels quite bittersweet that today, only 7 months later, I'm back where I started.

I guess the temptation would be to question God - "Did I hear you wrong?" "Did I somehow mess this up?" "Were you just mocking me with this stuff, aware it would fall apart around my ears?"

But, with a bit of hindsight, I don't feel that the last few months have been a mistake... they have been challenging, but at the same time, it feels like I have learned a lot through them. I moved into our house with the hope of living in community, learning about others, growing closer to people. And I have seen those things. I've also learned that it is ok to open up and rely on people, to ask for help. I've realised that I was desperate to make the house 'work' because somewhere my identity was mixed up in it. What I've learned is that somethings just don't work, and that isn't a reflection on my ability, or some sort of failure on my behalf.

Lyndall said in a sermon months ago that often the biggest 'detours' teach us the most important lessons. I feel that is more true than I could ever have realised back then. I don't think its a case of hearing God wrongly, or messing it up somehow, I think God allowed this stuff to happen because, in a crazy way it has brought me closer to him.

Another pearl of wisdom I heard this week is that when things get stressful we have a tendancy to look to 'landmarks' around us. These could be people or things that we see as unshiftable, and as long as we can see them we can cope with whatever is going on around us. This is fine, but limited, as these landmarks are never going to be as reliable as God.

I know what the landmarks are in my own life, but I really want to try and orient myself around what God is saying, who I am in him, and what I know of myself, rather than these external things.

Now a lot of the stress and weirdness is done, and I'm settled into my (very lovely) new room, I feel like I can look forward to the months ahead. There's 24-7 in a couple of weeks, which I am really looking forward to. Plus 2 trips to Liverpool Boiler Room, the youth Czech republic trip, and lots of other summer bits and bobs. Here's to a good couple of months!

Comments

[Eleanor Burne-Jones]

Blessings, hope this move works well!